At Home
It was like a dream come true. I didn't have to drive anywhere or show up for anything, or set an alarm, or even get dressed.
I was free to be in the studio painting with no responsibilities to anybody. My euphoria lasted 4 days, until I started getting calls from people saying 'Where ARE you?' 'You better be home!' These came mostly from Mel, my 95-year-old friend who never goes out. I think he's always worried about anyone who goes out at any time. Our conversations often revolve around the treachery of Los Angeles traffic, and all the homeless people lurching around, wandering out into that treacherous traffic. For years he's wanted his friends to be safe at home just like he is. So that was the first recognizable problem that started happening. I had to call people back so they knew I was okay. There were other problems. Although I have many cats, and they provide piles of companionship, in the past their love and attention has been offset by that of humans. I never realized how much I depended on lunch out with the girls. I took it for granted that I could always go have a taco down the street with Chris, the plan being made at the very last minute, or something fancier, like smoked salmon on whole grain bread at Tartine, which is really a ridiculous and over-priced cafeteria, but man, that salmon! That bread!
These small activities are gone, and it happened in an instant. I never realized the dependence I had on baking a loaf of bread each day, to be given away to this one or that one. Not only does nobody want food touched by actual hands, but you can't get yeast anymore! Toilet paper I've finally found, and paper towels made from bamboo that smell vaguely like turpentine, $2.99 a roll, but no yeast anywhere. In the news they're calling it 'anxiety baking', but I've been doing it for 20 years, never realizing what it actually was. Others have caught on to the deeply calming activity of baking a loaf of bread, and now they have to eat the loaf themselves, even more calming...even soporific, if you've ever experienced eating a whole loaf of bread yourself you know what I mean about falling asleep covered with warm crumbs on the couch.
About a year ago my friend Cecilie mentioned in passing that you needn't use yeast at all in bread-baking. She said that if you just mix flour and water and leave it in a bowl uncovered for a few days it will start to foam, having gathered wild yeast from the air. I didn't believe her at the time, but desperate times call for desperate measures, and I baked my first loaf of bread using this arcane method. When people catch on to this trick it's gonna put The King Arthur Baking Co. out of business. What I baked was a whole wheat flatbread with pine nuts studding the top. It was heaven. It's not exactly sourdough, but the flavor is sharper than regular yeasted bread and it has a slightly fermented quality. Why, this might be a blog about bread, but there's nothing more to say...flour, water, wait for a few days twiddling your thumbs, turn on oven, throw it in there. Boom. Eat until you regret it.
In these last few weeks I've also made my own yogurt, roasted coffee beans (and ground them), Made granola like I used to in the 80's, and I had a notion that I might be able to churn butter here at home. I think if you put heavy cream in the food processor and leave it on for a long time ultimately it separates into a solid and a filmy liquid. I've done this a few times by mistake when making whipped cream. There is beauty in resourcefulness, knowing I can live like a pioneer woman and at the same time figure out how to set up Zoom, though looking at all those tiny faces makes me panic a little, anxiety being my default position I now realize. So time has to be spent to calm myself beyond eating bread in bed. A walk helps. There is a 99 cent store about a half mile from here, and it's a perfect walk since there are hills to climb to get there, and it's so quiet outside and so empty and clear and sunny. Just as I start getting scared on my walk, thinking the world has ended, I will have reached my destination, where there are plenty of people, foraging for grapes and paper plates and a can or two of cat food. These are the regular folks of the neighborhood...not the rich ones who are aggressive and agitated and unfriendly. I have found kindness and humor at the 99, and a sense of solidarity even from those wearing masks and rubber gloves (the big floppy yellow kind since the delicate thin ones are gone). A couple of days ago I got a bag of blood oranges for next to nothing. It's the end of the season for these, and I guess that's why they were there, but they were perfect and juicy and blood red.
So I created a truly comforting custard sauce from this fruit, and I made it at 3am when I'd awakened with a start, which seems to be the new normal for all of us. I suggest when you make this you eat it while warm, out of the pot, maybe standing at the stove, thinking about how lucky you are to be alive.
Blood Orange Custard Sauce
I cup blood orange juice, about 4 or 5 oranges
1 tablespoon grated zest
3/4 cup white sugar
3 egg yolks
½ cup light cream
1 tablespoon salted butter
If you've ever made your own ice cream (of course I have...don't even ask) you're familiar with making a custard base. That's what this is. I'll walk you through it. In a heavy pot place juice, zest, and sugar. Heat over a low flame until the sugar is dissolved. Let this mixture cool so it's not boiling hot. Warm is fine. Beat your egg yolks and add about a half cup of liquid to them and whisk. This 'tempers' the yolks so they don't scramble when you add them to the pot. Now you can add them, along with the cream. place back on burner, keeping your flame very low and whisk non-stop until your sauce starts to thicken. This should take maybe 7 or 8 minutes. Don't walk away. Just keep at it and like magic your sauce will thicken, and when that happens it happens fast. Immediately take off the heat and whisk in the butter. Pour out of the pot into a bowl (otherwise the heat of the pot may curdle the sauce). By the way, you can use regular oranges for this sauce if you can’t find any blood oranges out there. The color won't be the fantastic pink you'll get from this recipe, but the taste will be just as good. If you must, you can put this in the refrigerator and eat later, but I strongly suggest eating while warm, as I'd mentioned. Don't share it, just finish the whole thing, and sweet dreams… guaranteed.